Still, heathen cider cultists hid in the West Country of England and Normandy France away from the gears and smoke of industrialization. In Cider Country, maidens softened their bosoms and lads dulled their brains on giant flagons of cider and the good, rustic life. During the dead of winter, these cider cultists would get pissed up as the sun went down, and they decided that they had to Wassail (toast or “ves heill”) the apple trees, dipping slices of bread in cider and hanging them on the barren branches by the light of a massive bonfire as they sang the wassail song.

Old apple tree, we wassail thee,
And hoping thou wilt bear
For the Lord doth know where we shall be
Till apples come another year.
For to bear well, and to bear well
So merry let us be.
Let every man take off his hat,
And shout to the old apple tree!
Old apple tree, we wassail thee,
And hoping thou wilt bear
Hatfuls, capfuls, three bushel bagfuls
And a little heap under the stairs
Hip! Hip! Horray!

When the sun came up the next cold morning, hungry little birds would be busily taking the pieces of bread from the tree and with it, the bad luck accumulated during the depressing months of winter. Now you know what you’ve been missing in life!
Cider is dangerous. The French government, hell bent on promoting the pretentious grape wine as their national beverage war machine, began pulling up apple trees and even stopped giving government funding to the rustic cider makers. In England, the grizzled cider drinker was pushed off to the edge of society and viewed as an historical relic to be amused by. Luckily, Punk Rock carried the cider banner with it as it exploded across the world championed by such greats as Chaos UK and Chaotic Dischord. Cider Punk is even found in the dictionary! (what dictionary? I’m not advertising.)
CIDER PUNK: An alternative subculture found especially in Wales and southwestern England, characterized by an unconventional and unmaterialistic lifestyle. The cider element is because members of the subculture drank hard cider as a cheap and easily available form of alcohol.

Of course, when the Punks start getting excited about something, the money sniffers are soon on the trail, and cider was no different than spikey hair, living in crap warehouses, my hometown of Oakland and the like. So, what is important is to be a discriminating cider drinker of great integrity and romanticized rustiness, or better yet, to make your own. Simple and easy.

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